


Be More Genderbent

by Micah_Mell



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Genderbending, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Michelle Mell is my spirit animal, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, girlf riends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2019-10-15 10:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 18,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17526839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Micah_Mell/pseuds/Micah_Mell
Summary: “Wow that was so cute, Jessica” I mutter to myself. “He probably loves a girl that can’t even form a full sentence” I got through the motions of history class, constantly thinking about how I’ll never be with anybody ‘except maybe my MacBook Pro hard drive...’ I think scornfully to myselfI sigh and mutter to myself, “God, I just want to survive..”————Basically just all of be more chill but genderbentThis is my first fic on AO3 and also my first in a while so I’m trying this out I guess.





	1. More Than Survive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonpotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonpotter/gifts).



(Jessica Heere’s POV)

“Wash that off you’re dead, loser” Rachel smirked as she pushed me away hard, against the locker. I wince, rubbing my shoulder as I push myself back up from the row of lockers. After a few minutes, I see my crush  
Christian. I tilt my head as I stare intently at him. I don’t even realize that I whisper his name, smiling. “Um, did you say something?” He asks, just  
As I space back in from of my little bubble. I jolt, realizing he’s talking to me.

“Uhh.. no! I did.. not” I internally groan at how awkward I’m sounding. God, I’m probably shaking like hell right now. “Oh ok, by the way, I think someone wrote.. ‘GIRLF’ on your backpack?” He hums, shrugging. I immediately snatch my backpack off of my back and turn it around. I read it and... ‘god damn it Rachel..’ “I-i Uhh...” i stammer and laugh awkwardly as I swing my backpack back onto my back. I walk as fast as I can as if I can just simply walk away the shame. “Wow that was so cute, Jessica” I mutter to myself. “He probably loves a girl that can’t even form a full sentence”

I got through the motions of history class, constantly thinking about how I’ll never be with anybody ‘except maybe my MacBook Pro hard drive...’ I think scornfully to myself. I sigh and mutter to myself, “God, I just want to survive..” at that moment, I see somebody dancing to themself, and I immediately know who it is. “Michelle!” I shout out to my best friend. She turns to me, grinning. “Jessica! How’s it hangin? Lunch is bangin!” She half-sings. “Got my sushi, got my slushee, and more~” she hums. “The roll is negimaki ‘n I’m feeling kinda cocky, cause the dude at Sev’ elev’ gave me a generous pour!” 

A short silence. “You’re listen to Marley again,  
aren’t you?” I ask, laughing. Michelle lights up. “Oh!” She exclaims, making me jump slightly. “I’m listenin’ to Marley an’ the groove is hella gnarly, and we’re almost at the end of this song!” She bops her head and then she pulls her headphones around her neck. “..that was the end, now tell me my friend, how was class?” She grins as she takes a look at me. “..you look like ass.. what’s wrong??” I roll my eyes and show her my backpack.

“‘GIRLF?’ What the hell does that even mean?” I ask, keeping a tight grip on backpack. Michelle grabs her backpack off of her own back.  
She turns it to reveal that it says ‘RIENDS’. “My fathers would be proud!” Michelle smiles, with a slight blush going across her features. I roll my eyes.

“God, i hate this school..” I mutter, blushing myself. “Oh! Hey! I saw this thing on discovery that humanity had stopped evolving!!” She beams after taking a sip of her cherry slushee. “And that... is good?” I tilt my head in confusion. “Evolution’s survival of the fittest right?” I nod. “Well now, because of technology, you don’t have to be strong to survive! Which means..” She lights up even more. “There’s never been a better time in history to be a loser!!” She giggles, dancing around me. “So own it! Why waste time trying to be cool when you could be-“ “signing up for the play!” I interrupt.  
“-well I was going to say getting stoned in my basement but..” she trails off.

I shake my head and put my hand on her shoulder. “No! Not that! Look who’s signing up for the play!” I squeal. “Christian?” She asks flatly. “Christian Canigula!” I giggle. “Yeah, I know the one” she smiles. “I’m gonna sign up.” I state, completely serious. “Go right on ahead, then” Michelle folds her arms. I feel myself walk over to the sign up sheet. I feel light as air and I write my name up on the sheet. I get knocked back into reality as I hear Rachel shout, “Gaaaaay!” I wince, putting the pen back.

I walk back over to Michelle. “Aw it’s ok, at least you did it!” She grins. “Well, gotta go, see ya later, Jess!” She turns and walks away. “Yeah.. bye” I say quietly. God damn it, I cannot be this affected by being called gay.. For goodness sake, My only friend is gay! So it’s not like I.. I sigh. “God.. can’t someone help me do.. more than survive” I walk on my way to my next class, my mind going wild with thoughts.


	2. I Love Play Rehearsal!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I went overboard with this chapter I guess. It isn’t even that good but here we go! I love play rehearsal~

Me and Michelle walk up towards the theater. I stick my head inthrough the entrance and see Christian sitting alone kicking his legs.I quickly move my head away. “I-I guess evolution’s not for everyone” I let out an awkward laugh. 

Michelle takes my shoulders into her handsand looks into my eyes seriously. “You know you don’t have to do this, Jess.” I start to talk, but get interrupted. “Of course, I’ll mock youforever if you don’t!” She pats my cheek a couple times and hops up, walking to the exit. Right. She was just walking me to the theater.

I sigh and try to pump myself up. “C-c-c’mon.. let’s go Jessica..” I’m shaking, but I try to ignore that fact as I walk into the theater towards Christian. I open my mouth, but no words come out. I grit my teeth and force the words out anyway. “I-is this where y-you meet for the p-play??” I ask, voice cracking. I internally scream at myself because 1) how loudly I spoke and 2) the awful voice crack in the middle of the already doomed sentence. 

He tilts his head. “No.. this is where you meet for the swim team..” Christian says slowly. “O-oh..” I mutter  
quietly, starting to turn around. “I’m joking!” He shouts at the last second. “W-well I’m Jessica!” I say without thinking. I realize my mistake and I wince. “Are you.. okay?” He asks, humming. “U-uh.. why?” I stutter.

“You seem kinda nervous” ... “n-no! I always sweat this much” I say shakily. “I get it... you’re a virgin!” He exclaims. I jolt, blushing. “First play rehearsal!” He giggles. I take a breath. “You think I’m nervous about  
the.. play” I laugh, relieved. 

“Yeah! I mean, why else would you be shaking?” He pauses. “A lot...” I giggle. “Y-yeah! Just.. so freaked, I guess!” “I’m actually jealous! Oh, you never forget your first..” He stops again. “play rehearsal!” He continues, grinning. “Coming here is definitely The highlight..” “of your day?” I continue. He snorts. “More like my life!”

“God, I love play rehearsal!” He laughs. “Because it’s the best and it’s so fun” I just stare, awkwardly. He continues anyway. “I get depressed as soon as it’s done..” my eyes slightly widen. “But not depressed as in like.. kill yourself depressed! I’m definitely not into self-harm!” He shows his arm to me to prove it. That’s cute. 

“Oh by the way, heh, I also kind of have ADD” he stares into space, squinting. “Wait.. what was I talking about?” “You we’re talking about.. plays?” I suggest. “Oh! Right! Thanks! Anyway, play rehearsal is totally amazing! But I feel like there aren’t strong roles for high school theater..” He scrunches his face. “Do you find that? because I totally find that, Jessica” My heart flutters pathetically. 

“O-oh uh yeah! I do!” I blurt out. “Man, play rehearsal is so universal! You get to try so many parts!” He sighs happily. “Most humans do just a single thing for the rest of their lives. Ahh! The thought of that basically gives me hives” He itches his neck. I laugh slightly. “There’s so many interests I want to try to pursue.. and.. uh.. why am I telling this to you?” He looks at me. I melt under his stare out of embarrassment. He realized I’m a loser. “I guess a part of wants to, huh?” He laughs.

“Oh my gosh! Play rehearsal must be starting soon! Aah!” “W-where is everyone else?” I ask, biting my lip. “Heh, guess it’s just the two of us?” As he says that, there is a loud burst of talking filling the room as the door opens up again. “Oh yeah!” “Da da da da da~” “has this theater always been here?” Is all I heard in all of the noise that came out of nowhere.

The drama teacher, Mrs. Reyes walks into the room. “Oh, good! The popular people are here! Now we may get started. As some of you may know, we are doing a production of a midsummer’s night dream this fall!” Christian squeaks. “Yes!!” “And today, that dream dies.” Mrs. Reyes says solemnly. “What?” Christian meekly asks. “And is reborn! Into what I like to call, a midsummer’s nightmare!” The older woman exclaims. Christian gets up off his seat. “But, don’t you care about Shakespeare?!” He shouts. Mrs. Reyes grabs him by the shoulders.

“The man is dead. Let it go, dear” She says slowly. Christian’s eyebrows draw together as he folds his arms and sits back down. “Now, we will take a five minute break so I can eat a hot pocket!” Mrs. Reyes walks fast backstage. I start to walk towards Christian, but Jane Dillinger beats me to him.

“Hey! You were in that play last year, weren’t you?” She asks him, confident as ever. “...you mean Romeo and Juliet?” Christian asks, packing his stuff. “Yeah! You were the guy that died!” She exclaims. “You mean.. Romeo” Christian says, flat. “Yeah! Damn, that was depressing..” she looks darkly. “Can I say something stupid? When you had just died or whatever, I just felt bad.” She pauses. “But when you got up! Ha, and did your victory dance!” Christian bursts out into laughter. “Bow! It’s called a bow!” Christian snorts. Jane laughs. “Yeah, I just remember thinking.. man good thing he didn’t die before I got to know him..” She scoffs. “Ha, stupid right?” “No.. that’s not stupid at all” Christian smiles softly. Jane smiles back.

“Well, I better go” she chuckles. Christian stares after her. I think of what to say. “U-um.. so I heard this thing about how humanity stopped evolving?” I say, although it came out like a question. “S-sorry did you say something Jessica?” Christian turns around. “N-no sorry” I walk outside. I laugh to myself. “I guess that could’ve gone worse.. I could’ve had a panic attack and had to go up to the nurse’s office” I say to myself, walking to the bathrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah this chapter wasn’t all that good hmm


	3. Rachel’s Squip Song

I walk into the bathrooms and take my backpack off as I walk over to the sink. I start to wash off the stupid ‘GIRLF’ that is written in bold letters.

“I thought I told you not to wash that off” I jump as I hear someone talk. “O-oh, where’s my homework?” I deflect. “Yep! I’m talkin’ to you, tall-ass!” Rachel snickers and walks into a stall. 

“W-why do you even call me that? I’m not even that t-tall..” I mutter, just loud enough for her to hear. She laughs. “Well, you could be if you weren’t all hunched over and scared.. hm.. all the time?” She replies. 

“God, how can you talk to me while you’re, uh..” I trail off. “Ha! Confidence!” She walks out of the stall after finishing, and smirks. I pause for a moment. “I just don’t get why you guys are doing the play” I stand awkwardly, not confident. 

She sighs. “Bryce is doing it because of Colin, Colin is doing it because of Jane..” Rachel pauses, smiling. “I think you know why Jane is doing it, right?” “Y-yeah, well I still..” Rachel gasps sharply and  
stars to spasm against the wall. 

“Um! I just remembered! I don’t have to  
pee after all, so bye!” I start to turn. “No! Don’t move!” She shouts. I stop in my tracks and turn back around. “...you.. don’t remember me freshman year, do you?” She asks. “You didn’t go here freshman year!” I reply. “Ah! Yes I did!!” A lisp came through her voice. “Y-you just didn’t notice.. nobody did..”

a pause. 

“Freshman year, I was totally a loser, like  
you” I scoff. “I didn’t have a boyfriend or any clue on how to survive” She stands in front me. “Every male could attest that I was gross.. My body was totally depressed, if you know what I mean.” I avert my eyes, nervous.

“I was hopeless, and helpless! Every time i walked through the halls, I tripped.” She looked down. “I was stagnant, idle, and so suicidal, but then!” She looks up at me with a bright smile. “I got a squip!” “..you got quick?” I ask, confused. She sighs, exasperated.  
“No! A squip” “I’ve just.. never heard of it before?” 

Well, that came out like a question, didn’t it. 

“That’s exactly the point! This is some top-secret  
can’t even look it up on the internet shit!” She looks up at me with wild eyes. I back away slightly. “It’s from Japan, a grey oblong pill! Quantum Nanotechnology CPU” She walks closer to me, grinning. “The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and it tells you what to do” 

“...that’s not even possible!” I exclaim. “shut up, tall-ass!” She yells, knocking my backpack out of my hands. I jump, shaking. “Sorry, sorry, force of habit.” Rachel apologizes. ‘Wow for once she actually apologized’ I think to myself.

“Look. I am sorry for treating you like human garbage every day, I was only doing that because my squip said I had to! But now..” Rachel picks my backpack up and hands it to me. “It’s saying that you’re not  
so bad! And that you might want to get a squip of your own” 

I stare at her awkwardly, not knowing what to say. “‘Course if you’re not interested-“ “w-wait wait no!” I stop her. “So.. it’s like..” I move in closer. “...drugs?” Rachel chuckles for a moment. “Oh, it’s better  
than drugs, Jessica” She grins, wide. “Remember, it’s from japan! it’s a grey oblong pill” She shouts, and repeats the same words as before. 

“It’s pre-programmed, amazing, and it speaks to you  
directly!” I nod at her, shaking. “Just think, you don’t have to worry about being late! Your weekend is just full of blow-out benders!” Rachel sets her hand on my shoulder.

“Right now you’re helpless, but not completely  
hopeless! On the school social map, you’re just a little blip, but if you,” She jumps up. “-take my advice! And if you pay the price, then you’ll actually become cool! Your whole life will flip once you buy a squip, I can promise you that! Now the price is 600-“ “Dollars?!” I exclaim.

She nods. “Just bring that money tomorrow, and you’ll see!” She starts to walk out of the bathroom. “W-wait!” She turns and looks at me. “Uhh.. aren’t you gonna, like, wash your hands?” Rachel thinks for  
a moment. “No I’m not, I’m just gonna walk right out of this bathroom! With this squip, I don’t worry about the same stuff that occupies your brain!”

She folds her arms. “That’s why it’s my task that you obtain a squip, Jessica.” She smirks and walks out of the bathroom. I stay there for a moment before reality kicks in and I walk out of the bathroom, texting Michelle about our plans at my house later.


	4. Two Player Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we make it a two player game

As I’m sitting on my decorated bean bag, I think about what Rachel said in the bathroom. ‘Just bring that money tomorrow, you’ll see!’ I sigh and move my fingers along the carpet of my room. My door opens suddenly.

I don’t jump because I am used to this behavior. I hear a squeal. “Apocalypse of the Damned!” I turn to see Michelle, and I grin. “Level 9!” I shout back. “The Cafetorium!!” We yell in sync. 

She gives me a dorky grin as she sits down onto her own bean bag. We start to play, already sucked into the world of zombies and attacks. “So... uh what do you think about what Rachel said?” I texted Michelle about it almost immediately after it had happened. She scoffs easily, still keeping her eyes on the screen as she leans close to me. “She’s scamming you! She’s scamming you, like, super weirdly!” She squints at the TV, focused.

“I mean yeah, but what if she’s not? This could be huge, Michelle!” I exclaim. “All I have to do is give the girl that torments me six.. hundred..” I trail off and completely stop playing the game in front of me. “..she’s totally scamming me”

Michelle is still hyper focused on the screen in front of her. I sigh. “I’m doomed to be a loser ‘til the end of the world.. nope! Probably then too..” i continue playing the game only to be killed. The screen flashes ‘GAME OVER’ and we both groan. “No way!” Michelle turns to me. 

“Dude, you are cooler than a vintage cassette!” She grins. “‘s just that no one else but me thinks that, yet!” She restarts the game, and we begin to play once again. “You’re just a nothing in this high school scheme-” She kills a few zombies. “—But it’s no big, ‘cause you ‘n I are a team!” 

She suddenly puts her controller down and looks at me again, giggling. “We like out-of-print games, we like retro skates, and we have matching pac-man tattoos! Nobody here appreciates them, but we will be in a place where we belong!” She picks up her controller and begins again. “Because people like us are totally cool in college, trust me I know.” 

‘Pfft!” I laugh. “What? We are! Listen Jess, high school is hell, y’know that, but we navigate it well!” Michelle and I switch controllers. We usually do this to challenge ourselves, and we trust each other enough with each other’s responsibilities at this point.

“Hey, the reason we can get through this so well is because we make it a two player game!” My best friend snatched her controller back out of my hands and gives me my own. We continue to mash buttons and- “zombie!” We shout. “Watch out!” Michelle squeaks. “Ah! I scream. “Wha?!” “Aww!” We both groan in unison as the game over screen shows itself for probably the thousandth time.

“We’ll get it next time, Jess..” The tan girl mutters, almost to herself. “Yeah.. heh since we’re both huge losers-“ Michelle pushes me. “W-we have fought together for basically our whole lives! Like, from zombies to our popular peers!” She smiles softly. “B-but now I’ts like I’m stuck on a level and I just want to move on from that, y’know?” I complain dramatically. 

She rolls her eyes. “Just wait a couple of years, whereupon you’ll notice that we will be cool in college! We won’t be lame any-!” Michelle jolts as she takes a ton of damage. I roll my eyes. “Psh, yeah I g-get it.. ‘people like us’ are cool in college, but, Michelle, we are not in college—” “all the same!!” She exclaims, bouncing as she pushes buttons.

“So, yeah, high school is completely wack, but at least we got each other’s back, right? It’s always gonna be me and you, making life a two player game!” Her dorky grin lights up her tan feautres.

We turn our attention back to the screen as- “AH!” We scream. “Oh?” We found a secret hallway. “Zombie!!” While we are slaying zombies, I slightly hear my name, but I disregard it. “Blood!!” Michelle shouts. “Claws!” I scream. “Jeremy!!” Ah. So it wasn’t just my imagination. My mom was actually calling me. Michelle pauses the game, pulls her hoodie over her head, and falls to the floor. I stifle laughter as my mother walks in. 

She stops. “Is that a boy? Did you bring a boy to our-?” Michelle then abruptly sits up and pulls her hood back off her head. “O-oh hey, Mrs. Heere!” She smiles and looks down. “Oh, hey Michelle” she sighs. “I was thinkin’ of ordering some pizza maybe?” My mom suggests. “You guys want some?” Michelle opens her mouth but I interrupt. 

“Did y-you put pants on, like, at all today?” I ask, referring to her constant wearing of a robe over her body. “Oh, well they didn’t need me at the office, so I worked from home” she answers. I breath sharply. “Most people wear more than just a robe at home, mom” I turn back toward the TV. She pauses for a moment. “Well then that’s why most people are not your mother then, huh?” I don’t reply. “Okay. Good talk” she leaves and closes the door behind her. 

Michelle turns to me and smiles. I swear, it almost feels pitiful. “How’s she doin?” She asks me. “How does it look?” I shoot back. Michelle pointedly ignores that and continues. “Have you heard from him?” “No.. I mean, it’s like, Dad’s moved on, why can’t she?” I snap, looking down at my controller. “Hey, don’t be like that-!” “Hey! I don’t want that to be my future, Michelle... Rachel said her hookup was at the payless..” I stop. “Maybe we should go and see if her story checks out?” 

Michelle’s face drops. “And if it does..? Will you be too cool for m-“ she pauses and pushes play on the game. “...Video games?” I sigh. “No way! Michelle, you know you are my favorite person.. but that doesn’t meet that I can’t dream” Michelle beams again, blushing. “Is it really true? I’m your favowite pewson?” She gets closer to me and I push her onto her bean bag.

“Pfft yeah, of course, we’re never not gonna be a team right? ‘Cause high school is literally shit, and you help me conquer it!” I grin, and she immediately grins back. There’s my best friend. “That’s what we do, right? We make it a two player game?” I ask. “Yeah” she replies softly. “Now.. do you wanna go with me to go see if this squip thing is actually real?” ... “of course, dude” I turn the tv off and we get ready to go to the Menlo Park Mall.


	5. The Squip Enters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here they come

During our about 20 minute drive, I think of what, the s.. squid? ‘No It’s called a.. squip! Yes’ I think about what it might be and what it could make me become most of all. Cool and popular was never anything that described me, though Michelle always insisted I was cool in her eyes. “We’re here, Jess” I hear Michelle say as I get startled out of my thoughts. “O-okay” I open the door and climb out of the car awkwardly.

“So.. we go to Payless?” Michelle asks to break the silence. “Y-yeah, that’s what she said.. I got the 600 dollars..” The other girl winces at the sound of the price again. I do the same. “It’s fine, it’s my bat mitzvah money anyway” I chuckle awkwardly. Michelle nods, unsure.

“Okay, weirdo” she pushes me on the shoulder. We walk through the entrance and head straight for Payless. Michelle pulls her hood over her head and follows me behind a secluded area. As we approach a woman, she turns sharply and looks at us, which causes me to jolt and step back. Michelle catches me from behind.

I lift myself off of her and walk toward her. “Where’s the money, kid?” She barks out. “W-what?” I stutter, backing up a bit. She exhales sharply. “It’s from japan? It’s a gray oblong pill, quantum nanotechnology CPU?” “Uh.. how did you know why I’m here?” I start to shake. She chuckles for a good minute. “Just look at you” I groan. “So that’s 400?” “F-four?” I ask.

“Is that going to be a problem, kid?” She snarls at me. “N-no! It’s just, someone at my school was aski-“ Michelle coughs behind me and I get the message.

“Oh! I mean! Four hundred? Wow! If you, uh, insist!” I hand the extra 200 to Michelle and give the 400 to the older woman. She pulls out a box of..? “Uh.. Ladies’ running shoes?” I didn’t just pay 400 dollars for running shoes, did I? I wouldn’t even wear them! She laughs and pulls something out of the box. I look at it, confused. ‘Is that the Squip?’ I think.

“Remember, this is untested technology, I hold no responsibility for what you might do with it or what it might do with you..” “u-uh, what might it do-?” I ask, voice laced with concern. “-To activate! Take with Mountain Dew.. I don’t know why!” She sharply turns to look at us. I hear Michelle shuffling behind me. “one more thing, and this is impor- Hey! We’re sold out!” She shouts, interrupting her sentence. Me and Michelle turn around. Oh. It’s James.

“...of... shoes?” James asks, confused. “Oh, you’re here for.. shoes” The stockgirl sighs. “It’s a Payless..?” James tilts his head. “Okay. Get lost, kids” “w-wait! You were saying something important?!” I ask, desperate. “Oh.. right, all sales final” she smirks and leads James to get new shoes.

We go quickly to get a Mountain Dew from a vending machine and sit at a table in the food court. I sigh. “I hope you’re worth 400 dollars..” I mutter. “Uhh.. don’t forget the $1.50 for the Dew” Michelle reminds me, chuckling nervously. I hum. “Y-y’know what, we should split it right? You helped me and-“ “n-no! I don’t think that’s how it works Jess” she replies quickly, interrupting me.

“Besides, I like to think when you become cool, you’ll.. uh, owe me” she pushes her glasses up, which I know is a nervous tic of hers. I nod. “Okay, Well, here goes.. uh.. everyhing, I guess” I put the pill in my mouth, take a drink of Mountain Dew, and swallow. I draw my eyebrows together. “Um.. how does it taste?” Michelle asks, biting her lip. I think for a moment. “..minty” I decide.

Michelle taps on the table. Another nervous tic. “How do you feel..?” “Like.. uh...” I sigh. “An idiot” Michelle stops her tapping suddenly. “Nothing?! Like, at all?!” She exclaims, frustrated. “Um.. uh.. try to say something cool” she suggests. “...I think I just wasted my bat mitzvah money on a wintergreen tic tac” I reply, putting my arms down and resting my head between them on the table. Michelle sighs.

“Yeah, not cool..” “please.. just leave me to mourn in my chili fries... forever” I say, muffled by my arms. Michelle exhales. “Fine, but just five minutes” she replies. I lift my head. “Wait, what?” The other girl already standing. “Jess, my guy at Spencer’s is hooking me up with a case of ectocooler!” Michelle squeaks. “...huh?” I make a face. “It’s the ghostbusters tie-in drink that got discontinued in the 90s!”

“What would that taste like?” I ask. My best friend looks at me seriously and whispers “Ghosts!” And walks to Spencer’s. I rest my hand on my cheek and pick at my fries. I then see Christian walking with Jane. I don’t hear what they’re saying but i call him anyway. “C-Christian!” I exclaim.

He jumps, Jane’s arm around his shoulders. “O-oh! Jessica! I didn’t see you there!” I stood up and walked forward. Jane snorts and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, you’re kinda hard to notice! Anyways, let’s-“ “w-wait I have something to tell you!” I shout. “Right now?” The boy asks. “I agree, right now?” Jane repeats. I feel my face flush. “I-i uh..” Suddenly, pain shoots up my spine.

“Ow!” _“Target Male Inaccesible”_ a voice speaks. “Jessica?” Christian asks, concern in his voice. “U-ugh, what the hell?!” I exclaim. _“Calibration in progress. Please excuse some mild discomfort”_ the voice speaks again. “Mild?!” I squeak. “Jessica? What’s wrong?” I hear Christian say this, but can’t pay attention to it. “Woah, the freak’s freakin’ out!” Jane shouts. I offhandedly see James recording me.

 _“Calibration complete. Access procedure initiated.”_ “W-w-wait wait wait wait-“ I breath out a laugh. “I-I’m fine, I just nee-“ _“Discomfort level may increase”_ my whole body starts to spasm. I start to scream from the immense pain, “A-aaah!! Gah!! Hhnn!” I groan. _“Accessing neural memory.. Accessing muscle memory.. Access procedure complete.”_ I stand up, legs shaking. _“Jessica Heere, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor”_ I look around and spot the source of the voice.

_“Your Squip”_


	6. Be More Chill (part uno)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh man this cuts off suddenly at the end but oh well

“Woah! You look like.. an girl from an anime” I point out. Its outfit consists of a short miniskirt and a white tank top, like a usual anime school girl outfit, ponytails, and a cat tail to finish the look.

“ _Yes, my default, though you can change me into Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, or Keanu Reeves._ ” The squip replies, in a stereotypical anime female voice. “Um.. I guess I’ll keep this form”

I look around. “Can everybody see you?” “ _No, they cannot, all they see is you having an animated conversation with yourself, so refrain from speaking out loud._ ” It crosses its arms. “ _Jessica, just think at me like you’re telepathic_ ” ‘like x-men?’

... “ _I can see this is going to be difficult. You want to be more chill_ ” ‘you mean cool?’ “ _No, I don’t, you see human social activity is governed by rules! And I have the processing capacity to understand those rules, and pass them on down to you_ ” It smiles at me. “ _Take your hands out of your pockets, and arch your back.”_

I try those instructions, but the squip still looks exasperated. “ _Puff your chest out a little. Also try making your gait better, just add something cooler_ ” I try to follow the directions, but it’s way far off from what I’m used to.

It sighs. “ _Jessica, if you don’t follow my instructions clearly, you’ll end up looking like a masturbator_ ” My face flushes. ‘U-um, I kinda am a masturbator’ I reply. It rolls its eyes. “ _We’ll fix that, along with your posture and the rest of your entire look._ ” I push my hair back from my face, silent.

“ _All of your nerdiness is ugly-_ “ ‘N-nerd? I actually think of myself as a geek..’ I stammer. “ _All your s-st-stammering’s a chore_ ” It says, obviously making fun of me. ‘St- no- I don’t, uh-‘ “ _Your tics and fidges are persistent, and you have pretty much no attractive attributes to get any guys_ ” it scoffs at me. I look down at my shoes.

“ _We’ll have to fix your vibe and then some more.._ ” I start to put my hands into my pockets, but the squip sharply looks at me. “Bu-“ “ _Ah!_ ” “I-“ “ _buh_!” “Sh-“ “ _No_ ” “wait!” “ _Stop_.“ I settle on folding my arms across my chest.

“ _Ugh. Everything about you is just so terrible, it all makes me wish I could die_ ” it hisses. I tense up. “J-Jesus Christ..” I whisper. It doesn’t react to my reply. “ _So don’t freak out, or resist, because with my help, you will be more chill_ ” it grins at me. I feel a spark shooting up my spine and in my arms. ‘Ahh! What the hell, did you just shock me?!’ I shout in my head. “ _Just some spinal stimulation, you were slouching”_

Well that’s great.

It shocks me again. “Ow!” “ _First, let’s go buy you a new shirt.._ ” it makes a face as it gives me a once over. ‘what’s wrong with my shirt?’ I ask. “ _It’s better if you just comply, Jessica, I need to color your aesthetic- pick that one_ ” it directs me towards a shirt- ‘..it says Eminem on it’ I think. “ _Hmph, if you’re so astute, then what do you need me for?_ ” It crosses its arms, smirking.

‘I don’t think anyone still listens to Eminem..’ I argue inside of my head. The squip rolls its eyes. “ _That’s irrelevant, my quantum structure allows me to envision some possible futures. One of which, you wear an Eminem shirt, and things turn out very well!_ ” It clasps its hands together and holds them behind its back.

‘What if somebody asks me about one of his songs?’ I worry. “ _My database is infinite and instantaneous_ ” it replies ‘Woah really? How are you with uh.. math homework?’ I think at it. It snorts. “ _I’m a supercomputer, Jessica! I’m made of math!_ ” It exclaims, still with that typical hot anime girl voice.

“ _Everything about you is so terrible_ ” I stiffen at these words again. Visuals of people form around me, they look like the squip, glitchy and blue. “Everything about you sucks! Everything about you sucks!” The glitches shout. My face scrunches up. “ _Everything about you just makes me want to die!_ ” The squip smirks. The glitches surround me, trapping me in a hell of insecurity with their words.

“Everything about you totally sucks! Everything about you sucks!” They snarl. My eyes sting slightly. “ _All the people in this mall think you’re a slob!_ ” “You’re a slob, so terrible, such a slob..” they laugh. I wince, looking around. “ _And boy, can I see why!_ ” The Squip sends away the glitches and directs me to follow it.

“ _Now, try picking a shirt_ ” I pick up a graphic tee. “ _That’s a boy’s shirt_ ” “...Jenna?” A voice asks. ‘It’s Colin..’ I think. “Jessica! Actually!” I correct him. “..You shop here?” Bryce asks. “Oh, all the time!” I chuckle. “ _Never_ ” the squip supplies. “Never is what I meant!” I say enthusiastically.

The squip rolls its eyes. “ _Greet the beta male_ ” the Squip senses my confusion and points to Bryce. “Oh, hey Bryce!” “ _You look sexy_ ” ‘what?! I can’t say that to a hot guy!’ I exclaim in my head. “ _Do not smile, stare at him with doe eyes, and speak like you haven’t seen a hot guy in your entire life._ ”

“You look really sexy, Bryce” I say, still awkward. He looks at me and smirks. “Thank you” “is that a guy shirt?” Colin inserts himself back into the conversation. “no-“ “ _yes_ ” “yyyes...” I repeat.

“ _Repeat after me,_ ” it does a direction for me to hold up the shirt. I do the gesture back. “I saw it through the window, and I just could not resist, for you see I had an ex that had the same shirt.” I say, repeating the words the squip told me to say.

“ _It’s still painful_..” “it’s still painful!” I exclaim, sadly. “Who was this mystery guy?” Colin asks, not very interested “you’ve probably never heard of him, so-“ “ _Mason_ ” “it was mason..” I say, faking a depressed tone.

“What?!” Colin shouts, nearly breaking the hanger that he’s holding. “He’s French~!” I half-sing, to kind of tease Colin, as the squip instructed.

“Oh, he is not French! He just pretends to be for the attention from obsessed girls!” Colin exclaims. “Mason broke up with you?” Bryce asks, confused. “Yeah..” “ _no_ ” “I mean!” I shout. “I broke up with him!” i repeat the Squip’s words again.

“Because he was cheating on me with another girl!” I say, adopting an upset tone. “How dare he?!” Colin exclaims after a minute. “You deserve so much better than Mason, Jessica!” Bryce consoles me.

“Obviously! Who does Mason think he is, doing that to you?!” Colin aggressively sorts through clothes. ‘W-what just happened?’ I think to the squip. “ _The fastest way to friendship is a shared opinion! Want to become friends with someone? Hate who they hate!_ ” The squip grins. ‘Oh’ I think. “Okay..” I say out loud, as Bryce walks towards me.


	7. Do you wanna be more chill?

Bryce steps in front of me as Colin says, “let’s get out of here” “ _Bryce is going to offer you a ride, it is imperative that you accept his offer_ ” the squip holds its hands together.

“So, Jessica.. do you wanna ride?” Bryce asks with a smile. “ _Yes_ ” “Yes.. Oh wait! I’m supposed to meet my friend, Michelle..” I reply, going off my directions. “Oh..” Bryce steps back.

“ _Jessica if this is going to work, you’re gonna have to do what I tell you_ ” The squip hisses. Bryce smirks. “But Jessica, are you sure? Don’t you wanna go far?” He asks again. “Do ya wanna ride with me inside of my mothers’ car?” Colin is standing to the side, impatient.

“We would drive on home, please don’t say no.. Jessica, can’t you be coerced?” Bryce steps closer again, I stand stock still. “We’ll get home quick, but there’s one catch, we’ll have to stop for frozen yogurt first” he smirks.

“..so...again.. do you wanna ride? We’d go to Pinkberry afterward to be specific.” I blush slightly against my pale skin. “Uh.. next time? I promise?” I reply, laughing. “Whatever” Colin rolls his eyes. “Come on, Bryce.” Bryce starts to go with Colin, but turns around.

“Oh by the way.. My ex-girlfriend cheated on me too, so I know how you feel” he smiles. “Bryce!” Colin hisses. “Au revoir!” The blonde boy says with a bad French accent. I wave back, silent.

Slowly, I begin to grin. ‘That.. was awesome!!’ I giggle. ‘We’ve got to find Michelle!’ “ _Michelle has left the mall_ ” the squip quickly tells me. I stop laughing.

‘Wait.. what? How do you know? I-‘ “ _I can see the mall security cameras, she left after she got the soda_ ” the squip interrupts me. ‘Well, Wait, How am I supposed to get home?!’ I exclaim in my mind. “ _I told you, getting a ride from them was imperative, you need to obey my words!_ ” It sternly tells me.

I subconsciously shrink back. “ _Now.. repeat after me, Jessica. Everything about you is terrible_ ” I tense, but repeat anyway. “E-everything about me is so terrible” I say, voice shaking. I feel my eyes sting more.

“ _Good. Now, everything about you makes me wanna die_ ” it says softly, like I’m a child. I bite my lip, distantly feeling tears on my face. “Everything about me m-makes me wanna d-die..” I say, looking to the squip.

“ _Now you got it. But Jessica, you will see that if you listen and obey, everything about you will be wonderful!_ ” It grins, its anime features beaming. More glitchy figures show up around me.

“We love everything about you!” They grin. “ _Everything about you will become so alive!_ ” “We could never live with you, Jessica!” These words are a stark difference from what they said earlier.

“ _You won’t be left out or ugly anymore!_ ” The squip and the figures smile. I wince at the use of the word ‘ugly’ again. “Everything about you will be cool, popular, and incredible! You will be so much more chill!” They exclaim.

The figures go away as the squip snaps it’s fingers. “Be more chill!!” I shout, not realizing I did it out loud. I giggle.

“ _That’s right!_ ” It grins with a childish happiness. “ _Now let’s get you home and ready for another day tomorrow._ ” It leads me to leave towards the exit.

‘Maybe this won’t be too bad..’ I think. The squip smiles. “ _Of course it won’t, after all I’m here to help you, Jessica!_ ” I smile back at it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter, but two songs in one.


	8. More than Surviving

I wake up, yawning. I sit up on my bed and look around. “Uhh..” I look some more. “...Squip?”

“Jessica! Are you talking to yourself?” My mom yells at me from downstairs. “Uh.. I guess so?” I say. Huh. I shrug. I hum to myself as I grab my laptop and open up a new- “Ow!”

“ _What did we say about masturbation, Jessica?_ ” The squip scolds me. ‘No! I wasn’t about to do that! I was just going to.. uh.. check my email!’ I reply. It rolls its eyes at me. “ _You can’t lie to me, I’m literally in your brain, Jessica_ ” My face gets hot as I look down, avoiding eye contact.

“ _Now, we’re going to devise a system, it’s simple, every time you think about sex, that’s how many pushups you do at the end of the day!_ ” It says, standing in a standard anime pose, hands on its hips. “ _If this morning is an indicative sample, you should be in good shape right away_ ” I roll my eyes at it.

It shocks me again. “Ah! Geez!” I exclaim in pain. “Coming through, princess” my mom says, picking up dirty clothes off my floor. I groan. “ _..that’s the source of your genetic material?_ ” The squip raises its eyebrows. ‘That’s.. my mom’ the squip laughs. “ _We should definitely double the pushups you’re doing”_

I walk to the bus stop and get onto the bus, as the squip instructs me to do. “Still not gonna be the cool girl, but at least I won’t be so left out, huh” I mutter to myself, since the bus is so loud nobody could possibly hear me.

“ _Exactly! You’ll finally be the main character, instead of a side character in your own life, to put it in terms that you’re used to_ ” We arrive at school shortly, and I hop out of the bus confidently.

To my surprise, Colin, Bryce, and James wave at me as I pass them, as opposed to being weirded out. I grin basically ear-to-ear, proud of myself. I’m so dazed, I don’t even notice I’m about to bump into Rachel before it’s too late.

“Hey! Where’s my money, tall-ass?” She asks, threateningly. ‘Uh, oh god, what do I tell her?’ I ask, desperate for an answer. “ _Relax. Up up down down left right A_ ” Rachel suddenly tenses and relaxes in quick succession. She grins.

“Oh my god, you got one!” She exclaims. “Yeah! I mean, I meant to go through you first, please don’t hit me!” I say in one breath, while covering my face towards the end.

“Jessica.. this is so awesome! I mean, yeah, I could’ve used that money, ‘cause things are kinda rough at home, if ya know what I’m sayin’” She smirks. “Yeah, my mom drinks.. too?” I say, out of control of my voice. I look at the squip. ‘What the hell?’ It doesn’t reply, but smirks instead.

Rachel grins after a small beat. “Yo, fuckin’ moms, right? She usually passes out by 9 o’clock, maybe you should come over and play some Xbox or something?” She asks. “What’s cool is the only controller you need with a squip, is your mind!” Rachel walks away, but I stay behind to talk to my squip.

‘Uh.. what was that about?’ “ _I synced with her squip! now her desires are compatible with yours”_  It replies. ‘And.. that makes her act like we’re friends?’ I ask. “ _What is friendship, but a bond between two people? Now, you and Rachel share a bond, it’s just digital!_ ” I sigh.

‘I’ve just gotta take a breath and go’ the squip smirks. ‘I guess now’s the time that I evolve’ I grin back at it. “ _Get ready to more than survive, Jessica_ ” The squip follows me as I practically dance around the halls.

‘All in all, it’s a not too heinous day! I can actually walk through the halls with purpose’ It nods in reply. ‘I feel really good right now!’ “ _Don’t forget its time to go to play rehearsal_ ” it reminds me. I light up. ‘Oh! Yeah! I get to see Christian’ I laugh and me and my squip go to the theatre for play rehearsal.


	9. A girl that I might be into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woah

I walk into the theatre as I see Colin and Bryce walk away from Christian. I smile. “Hey! Is this seat saved?” I ask him, confident.

“Uh.. I- I don’t know” He laughs slightly. “Well.. why don’t I just sit here until whoever it is shows up?” I smile again.

“Uh.. sure” he replies and I sit. “Hey.. are you alright?” “..yeah? Why?” I reply, confused. “At the mall? Yesterday? You were acting kinda-“ “performance art” i interrupt him easily, prompted by the squip. “Oh! That’s really cool” he smiles.

“Okay! Curtains rise in Athens, Georgia. The center for disease control” Mrs. Reyes prompts us to begin rehearsing. “Now, my Hippolytus, our nuptial hour draws aspace... Bring me Patient 0” James performs his lines almost decently. Bryce and Colin come onto the stage. “Cough!” Colin says dramatically.

“Doctor, why is his cheek so pale, how chance the roses there fade so fast?” Bryce enunciates literally every other syllable in his line. I cringe slightly.

“He has been attacked in the wasteland! Some say it’s spirits, some say fairies, but some say it’s the return of the hostile race of aliens who visited our fair planet this midsummer..” As James continues, I turn my attention to Christian.

“So, where’s Jane?” I ask him. “How should I know?” He replies, voice hushed. “..you aren’t dating her?” I ask, hope bleeding through my voice pitifully. “No-“ “Really?!” I exclaim, effectively catching the attention of Mrs. Reyes.

“Miss Heere! Your script is closed, which I can only assume means you have memorized your entire part! Please, regale us.. or maybe you’re wasting everybody’s-“

“if we zombies have offended, think but this and all is mended. That we have but landed here while these spaceships did appear.. and this weak and idle theme no more yielding but a dream.. or is it?” I speak perfectly, the squip controlling my voice. “ _You’re welcome._ ”

Everyone is silent. “Well! Looks like you could all learn something from Miss Heere’s commitment to the craft!” Mrs. Reyes says. “..wow, you’re really into this, Jessica” Christian marvels.

“Yeah, why else would I be here?” I reply, prompted by the squip. “Yeah.. right” he says softly. “Hey, can I, uh, tell you something?” “ _You can ask me anything._ ” “You can ask me anything!” I repeat.

“Okay.. uh. This is weird” he chuckles and sits next to me. “So.. say there’s this person that you, like, pass in the halls every day.. and you’ve known her since 7th grade” he starts, and I listen intently.

“You’re kinda used to thinking about her in just one certain way, from the personality that she displayed. And then she changes..” my eyes widen as I lean in subconsciously. “From a girl that I’d like never be into, into a girl that I’d kinda be into! ..Do you think she’s worth it, Jessica? I just don’t know..” He asks.

‘Is.. he talking about me?’ I ask the squip. “ _Of course! I’ve been releasing your pheromones, keep it up!_ ” It assures me. “..say there’s this person that you never really knew well..” “He is totally into you!” Figures form around me in the form of Colin, Bryce, and James.

“You thought that you had her pegged, but you can tell she’s changed into a girl that you’d kinda be into.. So, uh, she worth it, Jessica?” “Absolutely!” Me and the squip simultaneously reply to his question.

“I don’t really relate to other kids my age, except when I’m on a stage, there’s so many changes I’m going through..” he pauses. “And why am I telling this to you?.. guess there’s a part of me that wants to..” he smiles at me.

“Who knew? I guess a part of me likes to talk to you, and hang with you..” He laughs. “I guess a part of me-“ “okay! We’re done here today!” Mrs. Reyes interrupts him.

“Well, I guess i should tell you, huh? It’s kinda weird, but it’s true.. the girl that I’d kinda be into..” He says, nervous. “..that girl you’d be into?” I prompt him softly. “Yeah, the girl is.. uh..” I bite my lip. “Jane” he finishes.

Wait.

“Huh?” I lean back to my normal posture. All of a sudden the squip started to exclaim “ _warning!_ ” Over and over again in my mind. Suddenly it stops. “Thanks for listening, Jessica” he smiles and walks out of the theatre.


	10. Get that Upgrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sorry if the paragraphs are a bit weird I'm not used to formatting on here yet*

'What was that about?!' I shout in my mind at the anime girl in front of me. " _Jessica, I'm sorry, but that boy does not see you as relationship material!"_ It says, voice squeaking 'Uh, yeah, that's why I got you!' I reply.

" _...and you're sure you want him? There are plenty of other men at this school, I am looking at footage of various men's sport teams at this school. It's very impressive!_ " It offers. 'I want Christian!' I hiss. " _You're completely sure?"_ It asks. I nod. "...alright" it sighs.

'So how can I get him?' I ask.  _"You can't."_ It replies simply. "What?" " _...yet. Becoming the girl Christian would want is going to take more than just fixing a few bugs. You're going to have to reboot your reputation, supercharge your social standing. You need to upgrade!"_ It grins.

"..Huh?" " _You need to get_ popular,  _tear ducts activate."_ All of a sudden, I start to sob uncontrollably. At this moment, Bryce walks into the hallway in front of the theater, where I am residing.

I try to cover up my face as he walks up to me. "Jessica, there you are!" "I-I'm sorry, I d-don't know w-why I'm c-crying" I reply through tears.

"I do." He says. "Y-you d-do?" "Yeah, and I completely understand. They're saying it was a freak hockey accident!" He tells me. I sniffle. "What are you talking about?" I ask. "Oh my god, you don't know!" He replies. "No!" I cry.

"Eminem is dead!" He exclaims. "Eminem is dead?!" I start to sob intensely again after that question. "I mean, I never really like him or his songs, but I know  _you_ liked him so.." I get up and talk to my squip. 'Did you know this was going to happen?' I ask, panicking.

" _Of course not" '_ So it's just a coincidence that you had me wear this shirt?' " _Of course not!"_ 'Wait, wh- Did you  _kill Eminem?!_ ' I exclaim, accusing the pill inside of my head. " _Noooo...t exactly!_ " It replies.

" _My quantum processor allows me to envision probable futures, while I did not know that today Eminem would be impaled by that rogue hockey stick, I was aware of the probability of a favorable outcome!"_ 'Favorable-? For who?' I ask.

"Jessica, you know you don't have to be alone right now.." Bryce touches my arm. " _You need to become popular, here's a popular guy who likes you! You must go where he takes you"_ It smirks.

Bryce takes me to a secluded place behind the school. "This is my favorite place behind the school" He tells me. "Just being here with you right now, our future seems so clear, our union so near.." He smiles at me.

"Jessica, I would gladly be here with you a while.." He continues, but all I see the squip in the place of Bryce, repeating his words. "I'll tenderly guide you.." Bryce stops talking and is still smiling, but the squip continues.

" _Just take me inside you forever~_ " It smirks, dragging out 'forever'. " _Oh, your life was so pitiful before, but now it's time to go all the way and get an upgrade, Jessica!_ " "Upgrade.." I mutter under my breath. " _Don't worry about any guilt you may feel, just take a breath and seal the deal for the upgrade you need!"_

 I turn around and see Christian out of the corner of my eye, but the squip catches my attention again. " _C'mon, can't you see, Jessica, we've got a plan so you can get your man! We just have to start with Bryce, and then progress, until we get to Christian_ " It turns me around and I finally see him, and he's with Jane laughing and smiling about something.

" _And maybe you weren't sure before, but you know it is time to go all the way and-"_ 'Okay! I know you are just trying to, uh, help me and all but this is too much!' I interrupt it as I look at Christian walk away with Jake. 'Like, can you get out of my head for five minutes or so?' I ask. " _...okay_ " 

It disappears. I exhale and turn, almost running into somebody. Wait. "Michelle?" I ask. She looks up, surprised, but then looks back down and starts to walk away. "Wait! I'm so glad to see you!" I grin at her, but she gives a glare in return.

"So, you  _haven't_ been avoiding me all day?" She asks, a sad tone in her voice. "Wait- what? I haven't seen you since-" I stop. 'Reactivate' I say in my mind. The anime squip reappears.

' _It's called Optic Nerve Blocking-"_  '-why haven't I seen Michelle all da- what?' I ask. " _I have access to your optic nerves, I have been blocking Michelle from your field of vision"_ It explains.

"Jessica? Why are you standing there all creepy and stuff?" Michelle asks me, but I pay barely any attention to it. " _Michelle is a link to Jessica 1.0, if you're going to take that upgrade, you have to be absolutely willing to make sacrifices."_ It crosses its arms, looking disdainfully to my best friend.

"God, seriously, what is  _up_ with you? You've been acting super shady since- since.." She looks at me with wide eyes and a grin grows on her face.

"It worked, didn't it?" She whispers, gasping. She laughs and hugs me. "Jessica!" She squeals and lets go of me. "That is amazing! We gotta go test it out, celebrate! We could go get stoned in my basement!" She grins. I inhale sharply.

'I already know what it's like to be a loser.. maybe I should find out what it's like to not be the loser, or.. the geek' I say in my mind. 'I just want to be as chill as I can.. so should I take the upgrade?' The squip smirks. 'Yeah.. I wasn't so sure before but, i'm going to take that upgrade..' 

I look up. Michelle has a slight smile, but she looks anxious. "Jessica.. are you comin'?" She asks. I bite my lip. "Optic Nerve Blocking, on.." I whisper.

Her eyebrows draw together just before she is out of my sight and out of my mind. " _Let's get to work, Jessica"_ The squip puts its glitchy hand on my shoulder as it leads me away from the hallway.

 


	11. Halloween Hangout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you don’t want to read do you wanna hang, it starts at “the music fades away slightly”

“ _Okay Jessica, you can go in now_ ” The squip tells me. ’Why did I have to be kind of.. late?’ I ask. “ _Trust me it’ll all work out_ ” ’okay..’ I reply and walk into Jane’s house.

As soon as I open the door, music is blaring and tons of people are laughing. “ _Don’t worry_ ” it tells me. Bryce bounds up to me grinning.

“Jessica! Hey! I was afraid you weren’t coming, did you get my messages?” He asks, nervous. “ _Play it off_ ” “oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was late” I say.

“Oh, well, what do you think of my costume? People never go as sexy dogs, right?” He smiles. Do men usually wear outfits like that? “It’s uh-“ “ _vague compliment_ ” “-original” I hum.

Bryce’s face falls. “Uh- I mean amazing! No, seriously I can’t believe I’m with a guy like you” I smile, complimenting him genuinely. “Colin said it was dumb..” he mutters. “You need a drink!” He smiles again and walks off.

‘Did you see the look on his face? He though I stood him up!’ “ _And he was so happy when he realized that you didn’t! People want what they don’t have, oh! Look who’s here_ ” The squip points to the door as Christian walks in.

I beam, but he’s walking over to Jane. “Hey! Sorry I’m late” I hear him say. “I didn’t even realize” Jane says. I stop listening at that point. “Ayy! What’s up, dude?” “Yo, let’s catch up” “let’s smoke up!” I can hear through the high bass of the music.

Colin approaches me, wearing some weird costume. “Hey, Bryce said he wants you upstairs for a surprise” oh. It’s a baby costume, I realize as he lifts a baby bottle up to drink from it.

“Uh.. what kind?” I ask. “The kind where you don’t ask questions and follow me” He grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs.

The music fades away slightly as he sharply turns us into a room and locks the door. “Woah! Uh, you really know your way around” I smile awkwardly.

“Yeah, I’ve sex in almost every room in this house,” I wince. “-because I dated Jane! Jesus, who do you think I am?” He continues as he chugs from his bottle again.

“Um.. where’s Bryce?” I ask to break the silence, sitting on the bed. He laughs. “You are too cute!” His words slur slightly. He gets close to me. “Bryce isn’t coming” he whispers. “He’s not? ..uh then why-“ He puts his hand on my arm.

“Do you wanna hang for a bit, Jessica? Just you and me” he asks. I don’t reply. “We could connect, if you get wrecked, this baby could rock you fast _asweep_ -“ He says, with a baby voice at the end. I blush and scoot away slightly.

“U-um.. I have to go” I try to stand, but- “I can’t stand up” “ _you’re welcome_ ” “y’know, I don’t know why she’s so crazy ‘bout you.. I mean you’re cute, but not that cute. No offense” He rambles drunkenly, looking me over.

“None taken! I should really get-“ I try to talk but he interrupts me. “Don’t be fooled by him! Acting all nice and innocent around girls is what makes him so approachable. That’s his trick, that’s how he gets girls to hang onto him.” He hisses.

“Oh my god, you’re jealous of Bryce!” I realize. “Uh.. obviously I’m not?” He rolls his eyes. “Why would you be jealous of anybody? That’s insane! You’re, like, the hottest guy in school”

Wait.

“Did I just say that out-“ suddenly, Colin starts kissing me, and I try to pull away. “W-w-woah!” ‘Make it stop!’ I say out loud, and in my mind. “ _I’m afraid I do not understand the request_ ” it says.

Colin pulls away and gets closer to me on the bed. I try to scoot, but I can’t. “Could you stop being coy? Don’t you wanna get inside my diaper” God, he’s drunk. What the hell! He hands me the baby bottle he’s been drinking from. “It’s not actually milk” he smirks.

That’s what I thought.

“Uh.. thanks but I’m not really that big of a-“ The squip starts to force me to drink. “D-drink-ker!” I sputter. “You’re less cute when you talk a lot” He complains. ‘Help me!’ I exclaim to my squip. “ _Konichiwa_!”

’What?!’ I shout. “ _I’m sorry Jessica, alcohol temporarily scrambled my-_ “ it starts to speak Japanese again. ‘Why did you make me drink it?!’ I hiss.

“ _I had to take advantage of-_ “ more Japanese. “ _You’ll thank me-_ “ A whole lot more Japanese follows. “Whatever, I’ve had enough-“ Colin starts to get up.

A loud knock resounds through the room. “Jessica Heere?!” A voice shouts. “Ooh! The fun begins!” Colin whispers. “Is that Jane?!” I whisper back.

“Jessica, I know you aren’t having sex in my parents’ room, because then I would have to fuck you up!” She shouts. “Great! Then you can both be fucked up!” Colin yells through the door. I look at him with a shocked expression.

“...Colin?!” I hear her say. The door rattles as she tries to enter the room. Colin starts making the bed squeak. “Yeah! You hear that? I’m having sex with Jessica all over your parents’ linens!” Colin smirks.

“Ah no! We’re not! I swear we are not!” I yell. A pause. “Maybe he believed me and went away?” The window breaks as Jane snarls through it.

“Ah!” I squeak. “Kei-koku! Kei-koku!” The squip keeps repeating that, but I’m not paying attention as I run. I open the door to see Bryce. “Jessica?” He looks at me. “Bryce!”

Jane makes it through the window. “I’m sorry!” I push him aside and run into the nearest room, which is a bathroom.

I close and lock the door and I take some deep breaths. I sit on the edge of the way too big bathtub and I relax for a bit.. all of a sudden I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I stiffen up and look at it. “Ah!!” I scream and push myself off of the bathtub. Someone stands up and takes off a mask, which reveals.. “‘Sup?”

“...Michelle?”

* * *

 


	12. Michelle in the Bathroom

“Michelle.. I didn’t know you were invited to this party” I hum. She winces slightly, but covers it up.

“Yeah, I wasn’t, which is why I’m wearing this-“ She stands up to show off a weird outfit covered in cans. “-clever disguise” she jokes. I stare at her.

“You’re speechless. Squip got your tongue?” She sheds off her outfit. “No it’s, uh.. off” I finally speak. “That would explain why you’re talking to me..” she pauses and then exhales.

“Y’know, I’ve been thinking about this moment. What I would say to you? I had this really kinda pissed off monologue, an amazing journey through twelve years of friendship..” I smile slightly, despite her words.

“...what?” She asks. “It’s just really great to see you, Shell” I start to hug her, but she pushes me away. “Well, you won’t be after you hear what I found out” she continues to be serious.

“..found out?” I ask. She taps her head. “Wait, but, there’s nothing on the internet about-“ “which is weird right? I mean, what’s not on the internet? So I started asking around, and eventually this guy I play Warcraft with..” she breathes. “..told me that his brother went from a straight D student, to a freshman at Harvard, and you know where he is now?”

“Uh.. really.. happy and successful?” I guess. “He’s in a mental hospital. Totally lost it.” Her voice shakes slightly. “I don’t really see what that has to do with-“

“Think, Jess! We’re talking an insanely powerful supercomputer, and you think it’s primary function is to get you laid? Who made them? How did they end up in a high school? In New Jersey?!” She exclaims, and continues, “Of all possible applications for such an advanced technology, you ever wonder what it’s doing inside of you?” She asks.

There’s a beat of silence. “And I thought Colin was jealous” I scoff. “I’m seriously asking!” Michelle says. “I think you’re just pissed that I have one and you don’t” I roll my eyes. “Oh, come on-“ she tries.

“Hey, maybe I got lucky? Is that so weird? With my history, I think the universe owes me one. And, I don’t know about your friend’s.. brother’s.. whatever, but if you’re telling me that his squip made him crazy-“ “No- his squip didn’t make him go crazy!” She replies.

“Oh. Well then, there you go!” I try to stop the conversation. “He went crazy trying to get it out!” She shouts. “Then I got nothin’ to worry about.. why would I want that?” I try to leave, but she steps in front of the door.

“Hey, move it” I cross my arms. “..or you’ll what?” She tests me. “Get out of my way, loser” I hiss. She steps out of my way immediately. I open the door and slam it on my way out.

•Michelle’s POV•

As soon as the door slams, I start to break down, shaking. I stumble over to the tub and sit down against it, trying to calm myself. My breath hitches at every other breath.

It wasn’t her, it was the squip, it wasn’t her, it was not _**her**_ \- god, I can’t deny that my best friend (and only friend, at that) ditched me at the biggest party of the fall, and now probably having fun with the better people at this party.

I laugh despite myself. “I bet nobody would notice if I just disappeared” I mutter. A knock disturbs me out of my thoughts. “Hello?! Other people have to pee!” It was James Rolan. Ah, shit.

“U-uh, I’m havin’ my period!” I shout through the door. Not too bad of an excuse, I hope. A beat of silence passes through. “Take your time, then” I hear him walk away.

I sigh, but as soon as I’m back with myself again, my breath starts to hitch. I feel my eyes fill up with tears.

My breathing gets quicker as I try to stop myself from sobbing, but that makes me sob more. I realize that my fingernails are digging into my palms enough that my palms start to bleed.

I swear under my breath and resort to picking at the grout of the bathtub as I grieve. It’s getting harder to breathe.

More knocking goes through the room. “Y-you can’t come in!” I shout through the door. I just gotta wait until it’s time to leave the party, there’s no way I can leave like this. More tears spill over.

“Jesus, I am a loser” Fuck, I’m going to get replaced by a cooler version of me- “I wanna dance with somebody!” I hear a drunk girl singing through the door.

Instead of laughing, however, my throat tightens even more, because usually Jessica and I would make fun of her together.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK-**

“shit..” I mutter. That person’s gonna start shouting soon, but I can’t move or do anything but muffle my crying.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK-**

I whimper. “I-I’ll be out soon!” I shout weakly.

**KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK-**

Shit, I’m on the edge of a hard panic attack. My breathing is shallow and- oh my god all she did was call you a loser what the hell are you freaking out so much about, it’s true anyway. “It sucks she left me here all alone..” I say, voice cracking.

**CLANG, CLANG, CLANG, CLANG-**

The pressure starts to blow up as I stumble onto my feet, shaking.

**BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG-**

“it was a mistake coming here” I choke out to no one at all. I walk as best as I can over to the sink and look in the mirror. God I look awful. Tear tracks mark my cheeks, my glasses are off, and my hair is sticking up in all directions. I take as deep of a breath as I am able.

**SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH, SPLASH-**

I throw water in my face and dry it off with a towel. I look into the mirror again. A little better. I go to open the sore, but the knocking has ceased.

My breath starts to hitch sightly and I look in the mirror again. I set my hands on the edge. “Is there a sadder sight than this?” I scoff, voice watery.

“This is such a heinous night.. I wish I stayed in bed watching, like, cable porn..” I pause, a few tears falling again. “Or maybe, offed myself.. I wish I was never born-“ I say, hiccuping. I laugh, coming out choked.

“I’m just Michelle, a loner that is probably a stoner.. She rides a PT cruiser..” I look up at the mirror and hiss. “God, she’s such a loser-“ I wipe my eyes.

“I’ll just blame my red eyes on weed or somethin’” I bite my lip and grab my things from the bathtub.

“Well.. all they know about me is my name” I roll my eyes, still bloodshot, my breathing still choked slightly. “...awesome party, I’m so glad I came..” I smile and walk out the door, allowing the person knocking earlier to push past me roughly, not really caring about it.


	13. The Smartphone Hour

I spot Christian sitting on a couch and I sit next to him. Well, as close as I can get with some weird party monster sitting next to him. “Hey” he says.

“Yo.. so where’s your date?” I ask. “She’s not my date!” He sighs. “At least, not anymore” “I’m sorry” I say. “Don’t be, I dumped her” He replies.

“It looks like normal Mountain Dew, but red?” I hear rich ask behind me. “You did? Why?” I stop.

 “Sorry, you don’t have to-“ “I’m not Romeo, and she’s not Juliet. Which is good because that story was a tragedy.” He winces.

“Seriously, where the fuck can I get some Mountain Dew Red?!” Rich shouts. We fall silent, then we burst out into laughter.

“Man! Popular people are messed up!” He snorts. “Word” I reply, smiling. He looks at me. “I mean, you’re one of them” “What? No I’m not” I roll my eyes.

“Hello? The girl who’s been pucking her way through midsummer?” He says. “I’m not- Wait, pucking?” I question. “Yeah, I just made it up, you like it?” He asks. I stay silent. “What?” “I.. just don’t know what I’m supposed to say right now” I answer.

“Say whatever’s on your mind, I guess” he says. I think for a moment, then when I open my mouth, a weird noise comes out.

I cringe as Christian stares at me. He makes a weird noise after a bit, and then we keep on making weird noises back and forth until, “ah! God, stop!” the weird party monster guy gets up suddenly and walks away, annoyed by our sounds.

We laugh for a moment and then relax. “It’s pretty killer to sit and chat with you” Christian smiles. “Really?” I ask. “It’s true!” He nods.

“It’s pretty killer for me too” I reply, smiling back. “I’m glad we both agree..” he laughs. “Christian.. will you go out with me?” I say before I can think twice about it. He stares at me, shocked.

Fuck.

“Jessica.. I can’t..” he responds. “Wh- I thought we were friends-“ “we are! I just think that I need some time to think about who I am. I know that’s not what you wanted.. I’m sorry” he gets up and walks away.

Rachel stumbles up to me. “You got any Mountain Dew red?” She asks, voice desperate. “Ugh, this whole no drinking thing with the squip? Would it have killed you to give me a warning?” I exclaim.

“Seriously, you don’t know how-“ suddenly she stiffens up and starts walking away. “Warning, warning, warning..” She repeats as she exits the room. Well that’s weird.

The squip appears before me. “Hello, Jessica” ‘About time!’ I say in my mind. “My absence was not ideal, however it was necessary. One moment while I review the data from this evening..” Its eyes widen.

“Oh my” ‘yeah, bad, I know’ I reply. “We need to get you home” It tells me, panic in its voice. ‘But-‘ “Now” it says in a stern voice. ‘Um.. okay?’

* * *

 

• _Third Person POV_ •

James was freaking out, trying to call Colin. “OMG, Colin, answer me! Wait until I tell you what what I heard!” He texted. “It’s too fucked to type! This shit is ripe, call back! I’ll yell you every word!”

* **Ring Ring Ring** *

Colin grabs his phone and looks at the caller ID. He groans. “James Rolan calling..” He answers reluctantly after a few seconds. “Hey!” “Oh my god! Okay.. so did you see Rachel at the end of last night’s party?” James asks, grinning.

“Oh, yeah, I saw her” Colin smirks. “She was behaving crazy like a tweakin’ junkie, right?” James rambles over the phone. “She’s gotta learn to handle her high, she really shouldn’t drink so much for such a small girl” Colin snorts.

“Yeah, but she wasn’t drunk..” James mutters. “..the hell you saying James?” The other boy asks, amused. “Yo, she wasn’t drunk!” He says, louder. “Wait, the hell did you say?” Colin gapes, disbelieving.

  
“Yeah! I heard from Destiny Kropp that she didn’t touch a drop!” James exclaims. “..which means that you can’t blame the things she did on alcohol! It’s so terrible, I just really don’t want to relive it..” he stops.

“But, do you want me to tell you?” “Spit it out!” Colin demands. “Really?” James squeaks. “Do it already!” “Ok, I’ll tell you, but because you’re my closest friend!” James says. “Wh- no I’m not!” Colin sputters. “I know, but here’s what happened!” James exclaims, pausing.

“Rachel set a fire and burned down Jane’s house!” “Woah!” “I thought I was dreaming, but everyone was screaming!” James gasps. “I’ve gotta tell Bryce-“ Colin hangs up before James could reply.

He tries to call Bryce one, two, three times, but was ignored all times. Colin makes a ‘hmph’ and texts Bryce, ‘I’m sorry that Jessica made out with me at the party, but it was totally her fault’ ‘can we not let girls get in our way?’ ‘😊👌👀’ A few seconds later, Bryce calls him back.

“Hey!” “Are we cool?” Colin asks. “We are..” Bryce replies. “Okay, good! Now, did you see Rachel at the party?” Colin snickers. “No, I was, uh, crying” Bryce admits. “..so she was behaving weird and I was frightened, because I thought maybe her state was, um, heightened”

“She’s gotta learn to not really smoke a lot, shouldn’t get so high for a tiny girl” Bryce replies “I know right? But she wasn’t high! You can’t blame what she did on pot, or alcohol!” Colin tells Bryce, with him hanging onto every word now.

“It was awful! But, I’ll tell you! Rachel set fire to Jane’s house!” Colin gasps dramatically. “I thought I was dreaming it all, but I know I wasn’t because of the intense screams!” “We’ve gotta tell everybody!” Bryce exclaims and hangs up to tweet the situation immediately.

_‘Bryce Lohst just tweeted: Everybody, have you heard Rachel set a fire? Go spread the word!’_

_‘Bryce Lohst just tweeted: Rachel is flecked!’_

_‘Colin Valentine and James Rolan replied: flecked?’_

_‘Bryce Lohst just tweeted: I meant fucked, sorry autocorrect sucks!’_

All over texts and tweets, many rumors spread about Rachel, no matter how confusing or untrue they may have been, because that’s what high school gossip is all about. Especially with James Rolan, the school’s gossip king.

_‘Colin, James, and Bryce tweeted: Rachel set a fire and he burned down Jane’s house! She told me because she’s my best friend!’_


	14. The Pitiful Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this stupid website won’t let me put italics right now so sorry squip you’re not special

-Jessica’s POV-

 

I walk down the halls of the schools, feeling on edge. I see Bryce. “Bryce, hey.. are you okay?” I ask him. After what happened last night I feel super bad.

He glares back at me, along with Colin, who is standing next to him next to Rachel’s locker. “I’m not a sexy dog you can kick, Jessica, I’m a person!” He gets up and starts to walk away from me. Colin stares after him before adding: “I’m a person too!” and stomping off with Bryce.

I frown at the spot they were just at. “Hm.. fake concern, nice touch” the squip chimes in. I sputter. ‘That wasn’t fake!’ I exclaim. ‘How could Rachel’s squip let her do that..?’ The squip stays silent for a moment.

“Rachel was under a lot of pressure at home, with her squip disabled due to the alcohol, she lacked the proper.. coping mechanisms.” It explains.

I stop. ‘...did you know?’ “What?” ‘You made me leave the party, did you know people were gonna get hurt?!’ I ask. “I’m getting the impression you don’t trust me, Jessica” it replies, nerve in its voice.

‘Why me? You could be inside world leaders, presidents, famous people! What are you doing inside of me?’ “My sole function is to improve your life, I assure you-“ it tries.

‘Yeah? Well awesome job! My best friend thinks I’m a jerk, I really hurt Bryce- and you were supposed to make Christian like me!’ I cry. “And I will! He’s only human, I must account for human error” it replies coolly.

‘Oho, really? Because ever since I got you, all you’ve done is make me look like an ass!’ I shout, as someone trips over me. “Christian! Oh my god, I’m so sorry-“ I apologize sincerely as I try to help him up.

“Oh I-it’s my fault, I’m-“ he stops for a second, as he looks at me. “..just distracted ..” he pulls away from me, starting to walk away.

“Hey, uh! Can we talk about th-“ “I’m sorry, Jessica, I can’t do this right now” he starts. “But I need to-“ he interrupts me again. “Rachel is in the hospital! Jane broke both her legs trying to jump out of a window!”

He continues. “..we were laughing at Rachel.. we could have helped her! And Jane wouldn’t have been alone that night if it wasn’t for me..” “oh, you can’t feel bad about that!” I reply.

“Well I do! I look around me and everyone’s hurting.. and the people who don’t show it are just- better at hiding it!” He shouts, gesturing with his hands.

“I wish that there was something real I could do to help, but I don’t know how, so I guess I’ll just do theater” he stomps away. I see something on the ground. I pick it up.

“Oh! Hey! You left this prop beaker on the-“ all of a sudden a sharp electrical jolt shoots through my spine. “Ow! What was that about?!” I shout, out loud on accident.

“Christian is begging for your assistance, Jessica!” The squip says, ignoring my pained question. I draw my eyebrows together.

“He’s helpless and craving, and he clearly needs to be saved!” It exclaims. “You hold the key, Jessica” ‘What?’ I ask “if you correct him, you’ll be connected! Quite literally” It smiles sharply.

That’s very creepy on the face of an anime girl. “He’s lost and overcome with hesitation, and wished he knew what life was really about” I cross my arms and it leads me to the direction of Rachel’s locker.

“A squip can fix his current situation! Things will improve without a doubt, and it’ll be you who helped him out” it smiles at me. I tense up a little bit.

“Let’s save the pitiful children, Jessica! They haven’t a clue on what to do, this will help them to help you!” ‘Uh.. this is Rachel’s locker’ I say. “Open it.” “But I don’t know the combina...tion woah-“ I say as it helps me open the locker up perfectly.

‘Ladies running shoes..?’ I open the box up. ‘Woah, there’s gotta be enough squips in here for-‘ “the whole school?” It finishes my sentence, smirking over my shoulder. “Can you see the vision clearly, Jessica? People will embrace, and interface”

I bite my lip. “Christian will be thoroughly delighted when you improve the lives of all his peers!” It touches my shoulder. “Sync the school, make everyone united, Jessica. Jocks and geeks will hug and chat while-“

“Excuse me, what the frick is that?” Someone asks behind me. It’s James. “Oh! This is just Puck’s pansy serum! It’s just Mountain Dew with some, uh, wintergreen tic tacs at the bottom” I reply.

“I’m getting Mrs. Reyes-“ he starts. “Woah woah, wait! How are you doing today..?” I ask, prompted by the squip. “..nobody’s ever asked me that before. You know, I know everything about everyone at this school, but nobody wants to hear about me” He rants, but I can’t bring myself to care at this moment.

“Cool, drink this!” I smile. He takes it reluctantly and takes a sip. A jolt of electricity rings through the air as James shouts in pain. He grins widely, eyes glowing blue. “Let’s save the pitiful children!” Me and the squip say in unison.

“If we do that, then everything about you is going to be wonderful!” The figures appear around us again, and James joins them.

“We love everything about squips!” They exclaim. “Everything about you is going to be so alive! “We could never live without squips! Just the figures exclaim once again.

“You won’t feel left out or unsure, and definitely not be a pitiful child anymore! Everything about you is going to be cool!” The squip smiles at me and I smile back.

‘Let’s do this’ I say as we make our way to the auditorium, since the play is about to start soon.


	15. The Pants Song

Third Person POV

Did that just happen? Her own daughter just called her a loser and questioned her authority.

(‘Ever since dad left, all you’ve been doing is sitting around waiting for him to come back, do you know what he would find? A loser who is too afraid that she can’t even put proper clothes on!’ ‘...I could ground you’ ‘I don’t think you could. Good talk!’)

At some point, the bubble has to burst, she guessed, and now she had to do something about this. Something was wrong with Jessica and she had to help before it was too late.

“I had no idea that she was so ashamed of me..” Ms. Heere said to herself, trying to piece everything together. “But, you just gotta fight through this, because when you love somebody, you, at least, have to put some pants on for them.” Suddenly, her face lit up as she figured out a plan to save her daughter from her own self destruction.

She walked out of her house, still only with a robe on, and to the person that she knew Jessica trusted most.

Michelle’s POV

Sitting in my porch, I hum, looking at the box of me and Jessica’s treasured memories. I kept these because I wanted to remember our best moments together. I snort, smoking more of the joint that is residing in my hand.

“Well that went out the window, didn’t it?” I ask myself, breathing out the smoke. Looking back at the box, I take something out, and sigh.

“...Magic the gathering card that she gave me for that birthday nobody else remembered..” I look to my side. “..burn it” I finish, throwing it into the ash can next to me, effectively setting it on fire.

I take something else out. “The ticket stub from our first concert..” I read it closer. “hmph.. Weird Al..” I throw it into the ash can, no hesitation. “Super burn it”

I continue to smoke more of the joint, as I hear somebody calling my name. Sounds familiar.. I look up to see Ms. Heere quickly approaching my house. “Michelle!” She shouts. I panic, hiding my joint as well as I possibly can.

“Oh, uh! Ms. Heere! What are you doing here..?” I ask, clearing my throat. She waits a second, catching her breath quickly. “..we need to talk about Jessica” she demands.

I wince. “I’m sorry ma’am, Jessica and I aren’t friends anymore-“ I start to walk away. “Do you love her?” She suddenly asks. That effectively stops me in my tracks. “What..?” I turn around awkwardly.

“Yeah, she can be a little shit sometimes, and we both know that’s true.” I shift, becoming uncomfortable. “But that’s no excuse to be sitting around, doing nothing, or burning incense while she becomes a monster!” She finishes, stepping closer to me.

I step back away from her. “Uh.. yeah, I’m gonna—“ I head towards the door, but Ms. Heere stops me. “I need you, because I know you know how to help her more than I do”

“..but, I’m not what she wants” I say quietly. She puts her hand on my shoulder, making me look up at her. Her face is more determined than I’ve ever seen in years.

“You’re just what she needs, and even though this may be hard, you gotta suck it up, because you love her,” I break eye contact again, in favor of looking at the ground. “.. and when you love somebody, you gotta put your pants on for them, right?” She asks.

I get her hand off of my shoulder and take a few steps back. “Look.. I already tried to help her, okay? And she called me a loser..” I relive that moment, wincing.

“Well, she called me a loser too! So what? If we don’t help her out, and she ruins her life, we would be losers!” “...huh?” I get confused. At that moment, I realize that I am, in fact, high. I try my best to hide that from the woman in front of me.

“Is that what you want?” She asks me. I hesitate for a moment. “N-no..” I bite my lip and tug at my shirt. “Say it like you mean it, Michelle.” She looks me in the eye. “No!” I shout, with probably too much enthusiasm.

She smiles at me. “I think you can do it.” I breathe out. “I guess this is what I gotta do, to help my best friend!” I look at Ms. Heere again, and she looks relieved.

“You always see it to the end when you love someone” I nod as I say those words. I start to go into my house to get dressed into an appropriate outfit, when Ms. Heere stops me for a second.

“Good luck, Michelle.” I smile. “Thanks, I promise I’ll try my best to bring the Jessica we know and love back!” And I mean it, because I do truly love her.


	16. The Play

Jessica’s POV

Walking into the theater, I hear Christian giving the pre-curtain speech for the play. “Welcome everybody!” He says. “Thank you so much for coming to our production of A Midsummer’s Night..” he hesitates. “..mare.. about zombies, it’s been a rough week for everybody at Middleborough. That’s why this play is so important, to bring the school together!” I can hear the sincerity through his words. It makes me smile.

“I know that if Rachel was here, instead of in the intensive care unit at Beth Israel, she’d say: ‘go out there and show everyone the relevant power of live theatre!’” After that, there is applause and I see Christian come backstage. “Places, please!” He says to a few people, and, “Break a leg!” to the others.

“Not cool” Jane’s voice comes through and I see her on crutches and with both legs in casts. Ouch. Christian comes closer to me. “Christian!” I call.

He turns around. “Jessica!” He walks towards me. “Where have you been? It’s getting bad, Ms. Reyes made herself your understudy!” “Uh.. isn’t she understudying Rachel?” I ask in response. “She made herself both” He replies, a little out of order.

“Oh god..” I stop for a moment to collect my thoughts. “Listen, I’ve been thinking about what you said to me at the party-“ “Ah, I can’t do this right now!” He tries. “No, I finally understand! You can’t go out with anybody until you realize who you are, right?” I continue. “Well, yeah, but..”

I interrupt again. “I get that! That’s cool, because I felt the same way, but I didn’t realize it. I thought it was just about being cool, but it was more than that..” I explain. “It was about being confident and understanding who I am.. I couldn’t have figured that out on my own!”

He stares at me for a second. “So.. you’re saying that I helped you do that?” “Oh,not you, it was something else. What if there was something that would tell you what to do, and you’d always know what to say, like in play rehearsal?” I reply.

He stays silent for a few moments. “..are you talking about a squip?” He asks, taking a step back. “Wait, you know about squips?” I ask, surprised.

“Yeah, a kid at theater camp took one, and now he’s in a mental hospital..” He stops. “Is that what’s been going on with you? You took a squip?” He looks upset. “yeah, and-“

He interrupts my answer to continue. “H-has it been telling what to say to me this entire time?!” “Well yes, but- wait, it’s not like that!“ I quickly add. “Y’know, maybe I have some stuff to figure out, but I don’t need a pill to do it for me!” He exclaims.

“No- Christian- it will help you to be better-“ “what’s wrong with me now?” He glares at me. At that moment, Ms. Reyes comes through wearing.. my costume. She is doing warm ups for his voice, then she spots me and stops moving.

“Oh, Miss Heere, you’re here. I suppose you’ll be wanting your costume back, then” She walks away after that, and Christian turns around. “I have to go, Jessica” “No- wait- shit, shit!” I curse. “What did I do?!”

My squip shows up in all of its anime glory, but somehow looks even more robotic than before. “ _Relax, Jessica, I anticipated his resistance_ ” it says coolly. I look at it, scandalized. “Then why did you let me say all that stuff?!” I shout.

“ _So you’d be able to see for yourself what is necessary for your objective. Not everybody is as open to change as you were, Jessica. Offering them a choice would delay our desired result._ ” It replies, unfazed.

I shake my head. “No, Christian was right, I have to get the beaker and-“ I look around. “Where’s the beaker?!” The squip smirks. “ _Of course, I anticipated your resistance your resistance as well, Jessica. So I took the decision out of your hands_ ” I try to think back at it, but Ms. Reyes comes in, distracting me.

“Places for scene two, people! Remember, when Puck gives you the pansy serum, you have to sell that you’re really turning into a zombie!” She instructs the students around me, but they don’t look.. right. Wait. Oh god. 

“You’re gonna squip the whole cast!” I realize. “ _That’s only for starters_ ” it replies, demeanor changing. “No! I’ll stop you!” I say that as I notice Bryce on stage. “What angel wakes me from my bed?” He performs, albeit terribly. “Some potion, sir?” Another voice asks Bryce. “Thanks~!” Bryce says in a horrible accent.

All of a sudden, he shouts in pain. Ah, shit! “I warn thee gentle mortal, it’s time to feed again!” He starts to perform exceptionally, laughing menacingly at the end. I quickly think of a plan.

“Uh! Ms. Reyes! You can’t let anybody else drink from that beaker!” I say, panicking. “Oh, don’t be silly, it’s more than safe Bryce tried it, and so did I!” She replies. “ **Up, up, down, down, left, right, A** ” The squip says in a very mechanical way. “M-ms. Reyes?” I try, but she pushes me backward.

“You needy, self-centered students. You think I wanted to teach high school drama? In New Jersey?” She asks. “My squip says I can go all the way to broadway! I just have to keep you from ruining my big night” she walks away before I can try and stop her.

The squip snickers. “ _Oh no, did you plan not work, Jessica? Shame._ ” I whirl around to look at the squip. It changed completely, seeming more mechanical and menacing. “Ugh, I’ll fight back! Doesn’t alcohol mess you up? I’ll get drunk!” I exclaim, in a panic.

It rolls it’s neon blue eyes at me. “ _And I’ll come back when you’re sober, unless you’d plan on staying wasted forever?_ ” “There has to be some way to shut you off, you’re a computer!” I realize. “ _Oh, I’d stop there, Rachel tried to fight back, and you remember what happened to her_ ” The squip giggles, in its stupid anime voice.

Wait. What did she say.. ‘I need Mountain Dew RED!!” The memory of Rachel’s desperate voice rings through my head like a symphony. I have a sudden realization. That means that.. “That’s it! Green Mountain Dew activates you, and Red shuts you off!” I exclaim, still tense.

The squip scoffs. “ _Why do you think we had it discontinued? To get rid of me now, you’d need a time machine to the 1990s!_ ” I grieve for a moment, before I realize- “Or a friend who is so old school that she buys 90s soft drinks from the back of Spencer’s!” I stop pacing. Wait when did I even start?

“ _Oh, too bad you don’t have one of those anymore!_ ” The squip smirks. I frantically try to pull out my phone to call Michelle, fighting off the squip’s controls as best as I can.

“Ah! Michelle! Call Michelle!!” I jump as the squip makes me drop my phone. The squip begins to take control of my body but I won’t give up that easily.

I fight against its will with all I have in me. “ _It’s useless resisting, Jessica! I am going to improve your life, even if I have to take over the entire human race to do it!_ ” It yells, its voice sounding more and more robotic.

The squip throws me across the stage, and I see somebody where I landed. They seem familiar. I look up as they look at me. Oh my god.

“Michelle makes an entrance!” She announces, smiling. “Michelle!!” I exclaim. I’ve never been happier to see her face in my life. I try to get up, but she helps me before I could do it myself. 

“I was sitting in the audience thinking, oh hey this is pretty good for a school play! Then I realized, shit! This is way too good for a school play!” She rambles on. “Anyways, they’ve all been squipped, right?”

“..you came to see me in the play?” I ignore the whole squip question in favor of something more important to our friendship. She nods. “I even brought my own refreshments!” She takes something from behind her back and lifts it into the air. I gasp.

“Is that-“ “Mountain Dew Red! I told you I did my research” She brings the bottle of old soda back down into view. “Oh my god, that’s amazing! Give it to me!” I reach for the bottle but she backs away. “Okay!” She says, then brings the bottle closer to her chest. “Wait, no.”

“B-but, Michelle, I need it!” I plead. She crosses her arms. “And I need an apology, I mean, I think that’s in order! You treat me like I don’t exist for months, and then you blow me off when I try to help-“ “fine, okay! I’m-“ all of a sudden, it feels like my throat is in knots. “Saaa- srr-“ I struggle to say sorry as Michelle grows impatient. 

“Ah, seriously! Is it that hard to say sorry to me?” She asks. “Yyyy-yes!! Come on, Shell, this is important!” I try to reach for the bottle, but she brings it closer to herself. “Well, this is important to me!” She shouts.

“It’s just an apology-“ “no, it’s a gesture! Gestures matter, Jessica!” She backs away from me more. “ _Kung fu fists: activate_ ” the squip laughs again. I start to suddenly fight Michelle against my own wishes, but I’m still annoyed at her.

“This is so you, Michelle! You love to feel superior, just because you listen to your music on vinyl and don’t care about being popular!” The last word comes out a little glitchy. What the heck!

Michelle scoffs as she dodged my attacks. “Of course I care! I just know that it’s never gonna happen” she laughs at the end. I brush off my sympathy for her as I am forced to fight her off. 

“So you resent me because I didn’t give up like you- did?” Another word comes out as very robotic. “What? No! I don’t resent you! I’m jealous that you try” Michelle replies as sincerely as she can while defending herself from my unwilling attacks.

“Well.. I’m jealous you don’t!” I finally say something worthwhile to her. At that moment, I get dangerously close to hitting her square in the face. She glares back at me. “Then why are you hitting me?!”

“I’m not trying to!!” I try harder to fight off the squip’s control, to no avail. “Then could you like.. not try harder?!” Michelle shouts. “It’s- not me- it’s my- squip!” I finally break out of its control for a few moments. “The squip is taking over my body! I need your help! I’m- s-sorry!” I finally say the key words that she needed to hear.

Michelle’s face lights up as she runs closer to me to hold me down, but my body is freaking out, flailing around because of the squip. As Michelle tries harder, Jane walks in on her crutches. Michelle looks at Jane then back to me, then quickly rushes over to Jane.

“Jane! This is gonna sound super weird, but if I hold Jessica down, can you make her drink this Mountain Dew Red?” She asks, uncertain. “Actually, that doesn’t sound weird at all” Jane replies, shrugging as she grabs the Mountain Dew Red with a free hand.

Michelle comes back to me and holds me down as best as she can. “ **Up, up, down, down, left, right, A** ” All of a sudden, Jane jolts and starts to tip the bottle over. “Wait what are you-“ Michelle stops. “Wait, no! Stop!” I exclaim.

Jane pours out all of the Red with no hesitation, grinning way too perfectly. “Hey, this is totally cool! I’m livin’ this upgrade! Plus, check this out!” She drops her crutches and stands without trouble.

“It healed your legs?” I ask, confused. “No, but I can’t feel pain anymore! And it is totally awesome! God I love me!” She walks away on her still-broken legs. Bryce and Colin both walk onstage in tandem, very creepily at that.

“Oh, there you are Jessica” They both say, in that same creepy tandem. “I just want you to know that we’re not mad anymore! I just wanted to feel liked” Colin admits. “And I just wanted to feel seen!” Bryce finishes.

“Wait, but I see you!” Colin says. “And I like you!” Bryce replies. “Oh my god, why was I so jealous of you?” They say to each other.

“Ew.” Michelle chimes in, still holding me. “Michelle, the bottle! There’s still a few drops left” I whisper to her, pointing to it. “But how are we supposed to get past ‘em?” She asks, desperate.

“Apocalypse of the Damned, level nine” I whisper back. “The cafetorium!” Michelle finishes for me. She lifts me up and we both fight off our squipped peers.Michelle performs a ton of video game style stealth, as I watch in awe, still fighting the monsters.

“Got it!” I hear her exclaim. She’s holding the Red. Wow, she got that quick.. As she says that, James approaches her. Fuck. “I just wanted to be a part of a group! And now I am! And I will not let you take that from me!” He hisses and the other squip zombies respond.

“I just feel so connected to you guys right now!” They say in unison. Oh my god! “Jessica!” Michelle calls to me. “Catch!” She throws the Red to me and I catch it perfectly as the squipped students descend onto Michelle. 

“Michelle!!” I cry. I attempt to drink from the bottle, but the squip restrains me. “You don’t want to drink that, Jessica” The squip appears. I scoff. “Why not?” “Because then you’ll never be with him” it replies, turning me towards another direction. Squip zombies part away from each other, revealing.. Christian.

“Jessica?” He calls, looking radiant. “Christian?” I say, timidly. “Did you see me out there? They loved me!” He grins. “Wh- I mean that’s great! Of course they did!” I stammer. “Look, I wanted to apologize” He looks me in the eye. “Why?” I ask. He snorts. “You’re funny. Because, you were right! This feels.. amazing” he whispers.

..fuck. “No!” I exclaim. “You’re the girl I am so into, Jessica. I love you..” He confesses. “ _So, what are you going to do, Jessica?_ ” The squip asks me. I look into it’s mechanical eyes.

“This isn’t Christian! And I am stronger than you think I am!” I shout. “Here. Drink this.” I tell Christian. “ _Wait- think about what you’re **saying-**_ “ it tries.

“..how do you feel?” I ask Christian. “I feel..” he trails off. ***bzzt*** “ow!” Christian hisses. “Oh god” I back away.

***bzzt*** “ow!” I hear other voices. “Ohh god..” I wince. ***bzzt”** “Oh my god!” I hear Michelle say in response.

“What did I just do?” I ask her, desperate. “You deactivated the squips!” Michelle exclaims, grinning wide. I start to smile back, but then I feel a pain in my head.

“Ow” I groan. All of a sudden I feel like.. screaming. And apparently, so does everyone else, because the rest of the squip zombies scream from the sheer pain exploding in their brains. I can feel everybody else’s pain, which probably means they can too. I jolt, as I continue to scream on the ground.

Oh god- I start to slip away as someone grabs me. “Jess!” Is all I hear as I feel my conscience slip away from me.


	17. Voices in my Head

I feel myself begin to regain my conscience again, and I open my eyes. I groan, and then look around. “Hello?” I say, out loud. Suddenly, a sharp pain shoots through my head. “Ow! ow ow _ow ow ow_ -“

“Feels like you’re missing a part of yourself, doesn’t it?” I hear somebody’s voice. I look over to see Rachel laying in multiple casts. “Rachel..?” I ask, uncertain. She nods, then winces. “Ugh, hurts like a motherfucker, huh?” She stays silent for a second and then speaks again.

“Be honest, what are they saying about me at school?” I don’t reply. “That bad?” She sighs. “Sorry..” I apologize, not really knowing why.

“No don’t be sorry! I’m finally me again!” I notice that she has her lisp again. I decide not to mention it, she seems okay with it. “When I get out of here, the men of Middleborough are going to learn to love the real Rachel Goranski!”

She stops for a moment or two. “And the girls.. oh my god! I’m bi!” “Oh! Congrats on realizing that?” I say. “Uh, anyways, the squips are gone.. but how?” “Thanks! And as for the squips, ask your friend! Uh, antisocial headphones girl?” She replies. “Oh, she came by, like, a ton by the way”

She gives me a look that I don’t really understand. “..is she your girlfriend?” Oh my god. I quickly shake my head. “Is she single? I mean, I’m bi now, so uh-“ Suddenly, Michelle comes in to save the day.

“I’m sure somebody special will be lucky to have you, Rachel” She reassures her. Rachel looks embarrassed. “You think?” She asks. Michelle pulls the hospital curtain closed without an answer, and quickly walks over to me.

“So what happened? All I really remember is that noise and..” I trail off. “Oh! It was amazing! They were, like, communicating with each other- they were linked together!” She grins. “Which means that when you consider the kind of high frequency sonic disturbance needed to wipe out a system that powerful-!”

“Ah, Michelle, my head still hurts” I stop her. “Oh, right, sorry..” She starts to speak quieter. “Turns out, you didn’t need to destroy every single squip individually. Just one. And the rest..” Michelle begins to imitate explosions with her hands. “Boom!” She whispers. A beat of silence falls. “I don’t get it.. after all I did, you were still there for me.. why?” I question her sincerely.

“I would be unfair to say I did it all myself..” She replies, smiling. “Then who-“ I stop as my mom walks into the room. “Jessica, are you okay?” She asks me. “Oh, I’m actually great!” “I’m glad, because you’re grounded! From now on, young lady there are going to be changes around the house and I-“ She stops as I start to grin.

“What is it?” “Mom, you’re wearing clothes!” I exclaim. “Oh! Yeah, I mean what do you expect from me? I’m a good mom.” She replies.

“Now, who is Christian, and why did I have to hear about him from her?” She points to Michelle, who moved to the other side of my mom. “Ha, it doesn’t matter, after what I did, I’m lucky if he even wants to go to the same school as me” I reply solemnly.

I see Michelle and my mom exchange some sort of look. “..What?” Michelle laughs. “It’s reassuring, she still doesn’t know anything about boys” She laughs again. “What?!” I repeat. My mom shakes her head, smiling.

“Here’s some advice, Jessica, give him a rose as an apology. Also try and compliment his clothes!” She smiles. “Oh! Say you appreciate that he’s smart, that’s nice” Michelle chimes in, grinning brightly.

“What? No! That’s too vanilla, you’ve gotta tell him that he excites you sexually” Rachel snickers. “No!” I shout. “I know for a fact that at least two of these will work, trust me” Michelle says. “Well that’s rude, Michelle” Rachel rolls her eyes, and so does Michelle.

“Good luck, Jess” Michelle walks away after that, and so does my mom. I sit up further in my bed and get up. “See you, Rachel!” I off-handedly say to her as I walk out of the room.

 

-A few hours later-

 

I walk into the school, it’s not that far into the day since I woke up at a fairly early point in the day. As I round a corner, I see Colin, Bryce, James, and Jane standing there.

“Oh. Heyyy.. guys! Uh, about what happened before-“ they stop me before I can finish. “We’ve been looking for you, punk!” Jane says, starting to grin. “To wish you good luck asking out Christian!”

“Wh- seriously? How does everybody know about that?” I ask, groaning. “You know, it’s crazy, but ever since we did ecstasy at the play, I’ve felt very.. connected to all of you” Colin comes into the conversation. Oh my god.. ecstasy? “You tell her, James” he says, and surprisingly he is actually being sincere.

“You just have to summon strength from within, Jessica” James says, as advice to me. Looks like everybody is giving me advice today. “Also, don’t dump him on Halloween, that’d be a big mistake that you repeated” Colin smirks.

“Uh I..” I don’t get to finish my thought before more advice gets thrown at me. “Hey, embrace the traits that make you who you are, no matter how weird they are!” Bryce smiles.

“I’ll definitely give you more advice if you need it!” Jane chimes in. “Thanks guys! I’ll tell you how it goes!” I reply. As I walk on my way to Christian, I try to think on the positive side.

There are so many voices surrounding my mind, but all I have to do is pay attention to my own. I have to remember that they are only the normal kind of voices now, as opposed to a crazy tic tac that tried to take over the world.

As I explore my own thoughts, I see Christian in the distance. I pick up the pace as I walk faster toward him. “Hey!” I pause awkwardly. “So.. um..” Christian speaks before I could even stutter out anything. “I still remember how it felt.”

“What?” I ask. “It was just like you said. Like I’d never have to.. not know anything ever again.” He stops. “Who did yours look like?” Shit.. “uh.. an anime girl” He laughs. “Um.. yours?” I ask him in response. “Um. Hillary Clinton.. it’s embarrassing-“ “No actually that one’s pretty good!” I interrupt him.

“No, I mean, to find out that deep down I just want everything to be easy” He looks at the ground. “Well, who wants things to be hard? Look.. I almost ruined the play, and pretty much almost destroyed the entire human race, I know the very last thing I deserve it a second chance, but..”

Christian stops me, smiling. “Just say whatever’s on your mind” I stay silent for a few seconds. “Lunch? Just the, uh, two of us?” I offer, nervous. He smiles again. “And.. as for the voices in our heads?”

“Well, there may be voices in our heads, or whatever, but I swear they’re just the regular kind, not some weird pill” we both laugh at my response. “So I think we’ve made out collective mind, you know, me and my voices?” He says after a moment.

“..what do they say we should do then?” I ask, anxious for the answer. “All of us want to go on a date with you, Jessica” he grins, and I do too. Out of exhilaration, I kiss him on the lips, but immediately I back away. He smiles brightly and grabs my hand.

“Hey, you wanna tell the others now?” He asks. “Uh.. yeah, sure” I reply, my face burning. We find them almost immediately, and it seems like they were trying to sneak and listen.

Distantly, I register that Michelle is now there with the others, and so is Rachel, but now just in arm casts and bandages. I realize that she has burns scattered on her skin now. “It worked!” They gasp. Cheers erupt from them all.

I start to grin and I notice that Michelle does too, but she has a look in her eyes that I can’t quite decipher. But, out of all these cheers, I hear something metallic. Oh no.

“ _Jessica_.” A tinny voice says in my mind. No. The loudest voice in my head is my own. Not theirs. Never again. “ _Jessica_!” It shouts, distant. “ _You’ll never get rid of me, I’ll be in your head forever!_ ”

No. I’m in control, and I’ll never let you have it again. “ _Jessica **please**_!!” It yells, desperate, but it completely goes away after a moment. I take a deep breath.

I look around at all my friends and I realize that my life is going to be great. Me and Michelle will move past this incident and we will rebuild our friendship and make it better than ever before.

I have the boy of my dreams next to me and the popularity that I always desired.

Everything has fallen into place, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anything ruin it.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Two Player Game but they're lesbians, Harold.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17540339) by [dragonpotter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonpotter/pseuds/dragonpotter)




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